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The Artful Tango


March 8th, 2008

is the Fox Buzzword for the 2008 election. And the word is....MACHINE. Ma-chine.

According to Fox, this word defines the Clintons.

Special thanks to Michelle Malkin for opening the sleepy eyes of America to the stupefying fact that the Clinton campaign is a ma-chine.

Not that Michelle has taken on the cause of America's dire neglect of the grave danger of the Clintons and their machine all by herself. Fox has a whole grand host of personalities and pundits to sound the alarm at all hours of broadcasting.

As we now know, no one else but the Clintons takes great care and consideration in their words and actions during a campaign. Apparently, all the candidates shoot straight from the hip and express an audible impromptu train of thought at all times during campaign season. It's any wonder that any of them really need to hire an ad agency or a speechwriter. To me that would seem to discombobulate the refreshing natural flow of their 100% pure authenticity.

I referred in an earlier post, to a guest ( who is so well known and respected that we've forgotten her name and will have to look it up)on BOR that made piercing cries about something she called THE CLINTON WAR MACHINE. And while this was a phrase she used to figuratively describe Hillary's campaign, I'm a bit surprised that she's not at all disturbed by the ACTUAL BUSH WAR MACHINE. The one that costs billions of dollars and kills and maims both Americans and non-Americans, indiscriminately. Perhaps this guest doesn't quite consider the Bush administration to be a MACHINE. Maybe she feels they are just regular Joe's participating in an inpromptu, completely authentic act of defense. Who knows? I guess it's up to each one of us to choose our danger.

What we really learned from all of this is that Obama and McCain wake up each and every morning not quite knowing what they want to do or say on the campaign trail. Because their campaigns are NOT machines. They waste alot of money on campaign staff and research. Because really, what would be the purpose if you're not going to be a LEAN MEAN ELECTABLE MACHINE?

Hillary on the other hand, puts all that cash TO WORK (and hopefully will do the same for the nation). She goes to the ends of the earth to plan every word, action, wardrobe selection and as as we now know, even her body functions to be a desperate act of voter solicitation. Who ever heard of that before in American politics? Lord knows that no candidate, before or since, has ever been spotted in the midwest dressed up as Farmer Joe or has ever kissed a baby. Bill and Hillary all by themselves have reinvented to campaign wheel!

So let us all allow Fox to advise and warn us about this MACHINE. Because we all KNOW NOTHING if we don't know 'tis far better to have someone who makes decisions about our lives and money completely off the cuff and without all that annoying forethought and planning.

Moving on...I had a tremendous burst of inspiration this week. I was watching BOR as I often do and once again, his guest was the very incoherent Dennis Miller. (yeah....I'm smart enough to get, but there's nothing logical to "get".)Bill, being a self styled ignoramus, is still under the spell of the notion that his audience just intuitively understands that when they are confronted with Dennis Miller, they are in the presence of 10,000 jiggawatts of intellectual greatness. People of below or average intelligence, he feels, just have a crippling challenge to follow along. Maybe he's right. But anyhoo, soon afterward, the morning gang of Fox and Friends offered a merry-making appearance from Mancow. Mancow shared with us his theories about the NY recruiting station bombing and it's relation to the movie 12 Monkeys. He was almost childlike in his glee and pride in himself as he noted that NO ONE ELSE is saying it. It was as if Mancow was just recently introduced to the world of Original Thought. How pleased we all were for him as he discovered his very own theory regarding an act of terrorism and a Hollywood thriller starring Brad Pitt. In the middle of all these feel-good sensations...it hit me. The idea was as jarring as the image of Hillary Clinton's red suit! Why not have an insightful and brilliant segment with both Dennis Miller AND Mancow? What could be better to clear the cobwebs of the American mindset and rouse the average man from this daily stupor. The stupor that makes it impossible for us to follow Dennis Miller's logic and even more impossible to spot pop culture clues in news stories. My suggestion is to allow Dennis to speak in mysterious and highly intellectual tongues and Mancow would then translate them into really bad English so we can all understand them. And then their regular guest could be an extraordinarily inebriated Christopher Hitchens and Mancow would do speed translations for the two of the them.

February 18th, 2007

before I announce to everyone that Kiran Chetry has been replaced on Fox and Friends weekend edition. While Kiran has been a perfectly effective Bimbo in the Middle for awhile, it was becoming apparent to me at least, that, she was beginning to see herself as so much more as a journalist. It's been obvious, that she has important things to say. At the very least, I can guess, she'd like to wear a knee-length skirt on a chilly day and maybe even the occasional pair of trousers. And so move on she must.

We at the Prattle would be very surprised if her replacement, this weekend, Courtney Friel, would want a longer skirt anytime in the near future. That should be a great relief to the producers at Fox. Her neckline as it is, is much higher than any she's worn on air in the past. That's quite enough clothing, thank you very much.

Having covering nothing other than the glibbest of entertainment news, she seems to have no lofty journalistic ambitions and that, as well, should make Fox happy.

Courtney seems to not at all mind reading the silly teleprompter and take nary a notice that it does actually say "Kelly Sandwich". She even moves her shoulders in a sort of erotic motion when she says the words "Kell-ee Sand-wich", inviting us all to just consider her the smooth peanut butter between those two healthy slices of nutritious journalistic bread known as Kelly Wright and Greg Kelly.

Hoo-Ray!! Weekend Edition of Fox and Friends is back with a bounce!!

February 15th, 2007

original date 1/22/07

The weekend edition of Fox and Friends was actually quite physical this past weekend, when Page Hopkins disturbed us all by flailing and writhing in her chair in some sort of inexplicable fit of strangeness. This is the sort of thing I usually like to watch with the sound off. But on this occasion, I could hear her doing what can only be described as a very bad impersonation of a drunken Paula Abdul, who some time earlier had been a gracious guest of Brian Kilmeade. After airing Paula's interview, on Fox and Friends weekend edition, what followed was a very long and quite awkward bit of Page's hapless humor. At one point, she actually left her seat and SAT on a shocked and annoyed Greg Kelly. I think he even murmered "don't", as he was faced with the sudden realization that she was actually going to attempt to crush him with her weight. Greg clearly, as did all of America, understood the present danger that was afoot. Greg Kelly looked alot more scared than Chris Wallace ever did. And no one at the entire channel has defended him since the incident. Nor has the station called for an apology from Ms. Hopkins.

Bill O'Reilly has brought it to America's attention that Rosie O'Donnell has also made some unkind inferences to Paula's alleged drinking problem.

Bill is wondering how much more of Rosie, with her meanness and her sky high ratings ABC can possibly take. Hmmm. That is an intelligent question. I'm guessing, quite a bit.

Bill seems to think that ABC nor all of America can tolerate Rosie and her opinions for much longer. Bill and his guest discussed that high ratings don't actually mean that a personality is well-liked. He even pointed himself out, on that note. And he may have a point. I watch as much Factor as I can stand which is amazingly quite alot. I think I watch it MORE than people who actually LIKE Bill. But I don't know if I'm buying that theory. I still think most people watch people they like.

But America does actually like Rosie.

Rosie just does her job amusing us and provoking deep thought and making us love her. She gives comfort to women everywhere in the spirit of Oprah and Martha and Hilary. America loves powerful women. It's just a modern fact of life.

Now Bill of course, has never spent one moment being America's Sweetheart so he has no way to fully understand the romance of this dynamic. But Rosie HAS had that crown on her head. Rosie's a mom first. A great feminist role model, second. And face it, belligerent sisters all over the world enjoy the whole Rosie vibe.

Besides all that, Rosie didn't actually sit on Elisabeth Hasselbeck. And that makes her A-OK.
original date 1/13/07

On to Steve Doocy, who even though he is immature and emotionally stunted, as evidenced by his propensity to speak in cartoon voices, is often the most reasonable of the three of them. It seems he is spending way too much time in that FoxNews-created fantasy world.

As I relayed in an earlier posting, he once aborted the phrase "radical far right" in mid sentence so as not to further disturb his co-hosts and viewers. But at least then he was acting merely as a soothing presence for them as it seems to me that most of them are in fragile mental condition. But at least HE knew that outside the station a radical far right did indeed exist.

But this week he too delivered a Brian Kilmeade type rant. This one was about connecting the dots. Really, it was quite literally about connecting the dots for us all. And just like Brian, he looked full face into the camera to deliver his bizarre little speech complete with the above mentioned, disturbing cartoon voices. I'm quite certain that if the graphics department at Fox and Friends offered to design Steve a diagram with a bouncing ball he would have eagerly accepted.

Unfortunately for us it was just him and camera C (or whatever). So he proceeded to connect dots from minimum wage exemptions to American Samoa to Starkist Tuna to San Francisco to Nancy Pelosi's doorstep. See the connection? Apparently fans of Fox and Friends don't and must rely on Steve Doocy to connect the dots for them. I suppose many of them never played Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon either. But they should. I've got one for Steve. From tax Breaks, to Iraq, to Halliburton, to Texas, to George W. Bush and all the big oil he's in bed with. I imagine connecting the dots can explain alot of things. From George W Bush to Texas, to Enron, to Ken Lay, to Ken Lay's conviction, to his phoney death report on Fox News, to the VIP witness protection program, to the Lays living large in Malta on stolen money.

This is fun.

Fox and Foes

original date 1/13/07

Another happy morning watching Fox and Friends was had by all this week. Never has it been so entertaining as with the new addition of Gretchen Carlson who I must say is charming.

While she certainly is no E.D. Hill lacking E.D.'s high intelligence and her general poise and charisma, Gretchen does still bring a sophmoric comedy to the morning show. For instance, Gretchen giggles like a girl on her first date for a full minute after announcing the words Sandy Burger. It's bizarre for sure but still somehow funny. And yet I can't help but be slightly disturbed by the nagging suspicion that she's descending into a Sylvia Plath-like madness on the air. I will however, choose to enjoy it until she has an obvious meltdown on camera.

Another thing that is both funny, and as well, may prove to be ultimately tragic, is her strange proclaimations of being driven "bonkers" and having her mind "boggled" by left of center people and views. Obviously, it doesn't take much for Gretchen to become discombobulated, and she's not afraid to say so. Refreshing.

While I'm sure our "friends" at Fox hired this strange creature to be pippy and annoying to lefties (as John Gibson affectionately refers to everyone left of Tom Coburn) instead we find her a fun little enigmatic component to the show. I'm on the edge of my seat waiting to see if Gretchen will recover her marbles or dive head first off the deep end. The Sandy Burger episode was especially compelling as it took an extraordinary amount of time for her to collect herself after mentioning his name.

That being said I do believe that Brian Kilmeade (that sports-loving teddy bear turned red-faced conservative blowhard) has lost a few marbles recently.

During a recent morning show he looked face full at the camera into our living room and delivered a spitting angry rant about Iran. Apparently Iran has sprung up out of the depths of the ocean and has posed a never before seen threat to our military and our nation. My God. Where HAS Iran been all this time? We're in year 3 of the fighting in Iraq and Brian is only now alerting us to the fact that Iran is weaving it's evil spell RIGHT NEXT DOOR? At just the very moment that George Bush must actually haggle the new congress for more money? I found myself not so much concerned about this newly discovered, dire threat as I was about that silly half-wit sports guy ranting about it in the camera @ 7:30 in the morning.

What concerns me is that Brian is obviously mentally unwell and the money whores at Fox use his condition for our entertainment. Shame.

The Unsaid

original date 10/05/06

I was watching Fox and Friends this morning, as I do every morning and the topic of Fred Phelps came up. Fred Phelps as you may or may not know is a Baptist Christian. He is a radical far right leader of a radical far right Baptist Christian church. There. I said it. I could be wrong but I think Tucker Carlson said it. Or possibly something along those lines. But Steve Doocy didn't say it. This morning. He ALMOST said it. He really did. He tried to say it. But ultimately he couldn't. He opened his mouth and the words "far rr..." came bumbling out and in mid-syllable he suddenly aborted the phrase. It was disturbing and sad.

I whispered to the television "You can say it, Steve.". But still all that was uttered was "far rr...". It occured to me that this phrase is hardly ever uttered on Fox News. Personally I've never heard it, uttered by anybody. And I'm someone who watches a painful lot of FoxNews. I'm almost shocked to learn that in Steve Doocy's world there is such a thing. There must be, because he almost said it. Yes, Fred Phelps is part of the radical far right. So is Pat Robertson and so is Jerry Falwell. As surely as there is a far left there is also a far right. And Steve Doocy knows it.

Steve Doocy also went on to educate all of America with the fact that this church of Fred Phelps', even though it is a Baptist Christian church, it isn't really a regular Baptist church. Most of us are aware that while the Baptists are notoriously bigotted and insufferable most are not quite as heinous as Fred Phelps and his congregation. Fred's church is more like Baptist teachings gone buck wild. But still Steve was reluctant to call it an example of the radical far right. To him Fred is just "far rr...". And that's satisfactory. I really shouldn't be surprised.

The delusions of this network are many. In fact just the other night BOR listed Republican Congressman Mark Foley, who happens to be a child predator, as D-FL. As if a strategically placed typo can change the fact that this man is a card carrying Republican and only Republicans are going to suffer over this scandal. As we speak they are desperately searching for a way to insinuate that some Democrat was solely responsible for hiding this information and bringing it to light at the perfect opportune moment. Then they can therefore declare that somehow Democrats are responsible for sheltering Mark Foley for several years and should be punished for facilitating his pathological sickness.

Not only is that insane, but it would hardly change the facts of the story if it were at all plausible. So The Factor just did what they could to console their conservative fans. For a few moments th Factor could pretend that all of this was just a bad dream and Mark Foley was really a Democrat and Fox & Friends could pretend that Fred Phelps is part of a mythical radical far rr...
original date 7/8/06

I'm referring, of course to the inextinguishable torch of ardor she carries for Bill Clinton. When Hillary made an incidental comment about Ann's insipid book earlier this week, she was ON FIRE with attacks against Hillary's husband, who it must be said, made NO comment at all about her book. Clearly, she was incensed that Bill himself had neglected to comment and as she is known to do quite compulsively, she made the issue about him. Yes, strangely, for Ann, it IS always about Bill. She should just be grateful that everyone, including Hillary, is politely ignoring the fact that parts of her book were discovered to be plagiarized and be amazed that anyone is bothering to comment on it at all.

But back to Ann's burning torch. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that hellcat fire in her eyes when she speaks his name? CLIN-TON. Every occasion is an occasion for Ann to utter this name. She languishes in it, draws it out and NEVER, ever forgets that spanky hard T. No two syllables in the english language seem to give her more pleasure than those. Sure, sometimes it seems that pure contempt and vitriol are the ingredients that fuel her passion but I'm sensing something far less insidious and perfectly obvious once one gets it out there in the light of day. It's the thing that makes the world go 'round. It's old fashioned love. Just like many delusional boys and girls burdened with unrequited love, she settles for mere words, often having a conflict in her own world of make-believe, trying desperately to pester Bill into acknowledging her existence. Negative attention, to some people, is better than no attention. It's sad to watch at times. "Look at me!! Look at me!! CLIN-TON!!" she seems to be crying out at every media event. Nearly everything is an occasion to talk about the object of her affection. She's often asked questions about the policies of George W. Bush, or the comments of Nancy Pelosi and yet she can't seem to speak for ANY length of time without mentioning the magic word: CLIN-TON. In a pathologically obsessed way, she can relate him to any topic under the sun. She will transform a conversation about Olympia Snowe to one about Bill Clinton, or a conversation about corporate corruption to one about her thoughts on Bill Clinton's sexual perversions.

She highly regards him as an almost super-human power force and feels he is in control of most things in the universe. She often implies that he is to blame for things like the poor economy, childhood obesity, global warming, the popularity of Paris Hilton and the reason our socks stink when we sweat. CLIN-TON has been enjoying civilian life for some time now. Yet, she never fails to mention the sex scandal from over a decade ago. As far as we can tell he doesn't even know Ann is alive, and yet..."Don't ever forget America," her subliminal message seems to go, "CLIN-TON and ANN, ANN and CLIN-TON. HOT HOT SEX!!"

I myself, am notorious in some circles for having an unnatural fondness for Bill Clinton. But still, I strive to stay on topic much of the time. To me it's the difference between admiration and obsession. I must admit it's been a hell of alot easier because my admiration has diminished some in his absence. I'm certain because there are other perfectly engaging politicians to pay attention to. Ones that actually are relevant to current policy, I might add. But still, I can sympathize a little, after all, Bill Clinton doesn't know I'm alive either. It hurts like hell, but I'm someone who rolls with the punches. Ann, on the other hand, just refuses to get over it.
Original date 2/20/06

Thank God for Bill O. It's a very good thing that he's looking out for us. We wouldn't know about the dangers of Neal Gabler's opinions because we Americans may very well be too ignorant to know scary when we hear it. It's a wonder to Bill how Neal is permitted to speak on the Fox News Channel. For our protection, Bill informed the show's host, Eric Burns, that he "shouldn't have him on". Neal recklessly pointed out that the Bush/Cheney tagteam pull a boner or a terrorist threat out of their asses every time their popularity drags to a dangerous low, like a convenient little jack in the box to take our minds off the real news.

Since Americans from the four corners of the country say the same thing, nearly every morning, on Washington Journal, one must wonder why Bill is so incredulous that Neal, like most everyone else, can say such a thing without consequence. I enjoy Neal Gabler pretty well but the truth is, this idea wasn't exactly a fresh revelation from Neal's diabolical mind. It was pretty much a national observation. Ask any American who carefully watches that news ticker on the bottom whenever there is something eerily trivial pervading the screen for three days. The silent question is usually "What's the real news?".

Bill is shocked and alarmed that Neal could make his opinions known without the 3 other panelists in the room hurling him to the floor and doing a Super Slam on his ass. The next time Neal Gabler opens his mouth and brings forth criticism of the President, well right then and there Cal Thomas should hold him down while Jane Hall knocks him silly with her hard right hook. Why, Bill wonders, is Neal Gabler out of control, giving his opinion, willy nilly, on national television? Perhaps, just because this is what he's actually paid to do? Or maybe I'm missing the premise of Fox News Watch and it's assortment of panelists. I mean this is FoxNews. And they can easily just round out the panel with four people that agree with each other, and more importantly, agree with Bill. But, what fun would that really be?

In addition, Bill also cited, for our safety, at least two other people who don't share his opinion and as well, shouldn't be popular or allowed to speak in public. Those being George Clooney, (Whose movies are well watched but let us not be fooled, says Bill, he's not popular with "the folks").

And Alec Baldwin, who has no business blogging or rather, enjoying the new favorite national pastime. I say, if I'm free to blog then so is Alec Baldwin, anytime of the day or night, after 6 shots of vodka and a deep fried turkey, wearing nothing but a pair of underwear two sizes too small, as long as he pays his internet bill.

Everyone who possesses a public platform through which to express their views and opinions would do well to only express views which Bill deems right and reasonable or else he will out them as the dangerous radical that they are.

Pardon me, but when I think of dangerous radicals, the names Neal Gabler or Alec Baldwin just fail to cross my mind.

By the way, Alec Baldwin's blog is some pretty good reading,too. Check it out.

Oh yeah and the meanness. Bill feels that the left is TOO mean. The right is never mean. Ann Coulter? Sweet as a cupcake. Michelle Malkin, too. Bill himself is always charming. Dick Cheney is a well mannered man, just ask Patrick Leahy. But at least Ann and Dick don't whine. They dish it out and they take it, which I admire. Michelle, on the other hand gets airtime on Bill's show to boohoo about her hate mail after her tirades and writes a whole book devoted to left leaning meanies. Nothing could be more pathetic.

And Bill wonders why Neal Gabler is more palatable as a television personality? Well it's because he doesn't yammer as much as some people. I think Bill's still raw because Neal suggested there was no war on christmas and turned out to be right. Would someone please wish Bill a Merry Christmas already?
Original date Feb 14, 2006

Vice President Cheney was involved in what can only be accurately described as a hilarious misunderstanding Saturday afternoon while hunting quail on a friends' ranch. A hunting companion, Whittington, a lawyer, apparently engaged in some dare-devil antics by slithering behind the VP and making dangerous bird calls in the brush. Believing him to be a very large, dancing bird wearing an orange vest, the VP pelted him with a light, refreshing spray of shrapnel about the face, neck and chest. Boy, did they all ever have a good hearty chuckle over that. Whittington, our eyewitness reports, was in very high spirits as he thanked the VP profusely and then made a quick plan to "do this again real soon" before hopping on his motor scooter like a forest sprite and zipping to a nearby hospital.

After assessing minor injuries and inconsequential heart disturbances, Whittington was upgraded to intensive care. "Mr Whittington enjoyed the champagne and heated tea towels. He even showed some of the nurses how to do the Hustle." said a hospital representative.

Our hunting expert, Jake Carter, informs us that this sort of thing happens often in the field. "It happens nearly everyday during huntin' season. People just shrug it off." says Carter. "For most people, it's a rather enjoyable experience. They're just little pellets. Gettin' sprayed has all the benefits of a deep tissue massage."

February 14th, 2007

O.K., so the good news is that FoxNews has pushed election coverage back a year. And now instead of one solid year of frenetic political madness, WE GET TWO!! Now, I don't know if everyone is as excited as we are here @ Absolute Prattle. But this completely thrills us. Most of us at the Prattle enjoy election years more than any other event. For one thing, it makes our job so much easier. Instead of watching endless hours upon hours of Fox and keeping our ears pricked for those notable moments to share with friends and loved ones, they will just be airing non stop for the next TWO YEARS...sometimes several in one segment. And our prediction is that the zany hijinks will increase with the anxiety level of FoxNews personalities and contributors. It'll hardly be working. We fear that we won't actually be able to keep up but that sure is better than being bored to death.

I know that Fox and Friends was very amusing this morning. We do read our e-mail and know many of you like to be updated on the highlights, but as I've said there is just so much going on that I have to really be picky about what to relay. I mean for the first time since we went online, there is actual stiff competition in the office.

Fans of the Prattle are well aware that the last election just sort of snuck up on everyone at Fox. A few days out they had no options but to convolute a little joke made by John Kerry and try to fool their viewers into thinking that Mark Foley, Republican Congressional Pedaphile was not actually a Republican at all nor were any Republicans involved in clandestine actions to hide his secret. Even the morons who watch Fox News (of which I am one)were insulted at the smack to their IQ.

But the truth is it wasn't entirely their fault. They really didn't see that big Whoop-Ass coming until it was way too late to go digging for major dirt and doing that magical Fox Trot in time to sway the election. They'd gotten used to coasting on the allegience that fear can sometimes engender or stolen elections, whichever.

I'm sure they consoled each other by promising to never again take their eyes off the ball.

They are out here Jan. 2007 with bells on, baby! And we can't be happier!!

Just like the joyous holiday season where the christian holiday of Christmas went from Dec 25th, all the way back to the day after Halloween and these days there is so much more of Christmas to enjoy (or be combative about if your name happens to be Bill O'Reilly).

So let me start with BOR last night, where the Factor pulled out a big gun named Ann Coulter. Who incidentally, hasn't been seen for some time and was supremely missed by all of us here at Absolute Prattle. Bill wanted her opinion on potential Republican candidates only. The hope can only be that he's saving her views on only Dems for another exciting segment and many more over the next TWO YEARS.

The first thing I MUST say, is that this segment was one of only two times that anyone here at Absolute Prattle has seen or heard Ann talk for over five minutes and actually refrain from saying the name of her #1 guy, Bill Clin-ton. But we're almost positive that the topic of him will resurface again and again and again as this seems to be a particular problem for Ann.

Ann gave the shout out to all the candidates that they must be conservative and bigotted enough to capture that crucial radical far right vote. She sniffed at Guiliani, scoffed at McCain almost accusing them to be Dems in Republican clothing, and finally settled on Mitt Romney as her current favorite as she patiently waits for the other horses in the race to increase their right of center positions.

Come to think of it, Mitt Romney was the Fox favorite of the day. Fox likes his conservative views and they are going to drag his questionable religion out into the light of day to alleviate the fears of nervous conservative voters. I even think Steve Doocy informed us all that Mitt only has one wife. You know, because we were wondering. Funny thing is I never knew Steve Doocy knew so dang much about the world's religions. He knows a radical far rr Baptist from a regular mildy bigotted Baptist. He knows a heck of alot about the harmlessness of the Mormon religion and can assure his mildly bigotted Baptist audience that Jesus would approve. Mitt Romney is one tough sell. I mean, under his name it says Former Governor MA (R) but really, why not just get it over with and put "We got nothin'".

I mean Rudy and Newt are both going to get eaten alive by their philandering. Really, Conservatives and Liberals alike are just starving for a new Patron Saint of Illicit Sexual Activity. And the truth is both Rudy and Newt have an entirely more sensational story than Bill ever did.

During a segment on The Big Story about the San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom cheating on his wife, John is wondering why the city of San Francisco hasn't stopped swinging long enough to throw that bastard out of office. Perhaps they may still be reeling from the revelation that Mayor Newsom is secretly straight.

During this segment he graphics department imposed pictures of Bill Clinton and what's-her-name and the other who's-that, which was just as interesting as watching paint dry. I'm not just talking about left of center people either. Naturally WE'RE bored being certifiably bawdy and crass by party affiliation, but those tired pictures of Bill Clinton went up on the screen and I could literally hear all of America snoring.

Also on John Gibson's show today, I've learned that John Gibson is one sly devil. During commentary of a speech that Hilary made he used the term "Capitalist Pigs". He used the term twice. Just slipped in there. I don't think Hilary actually said this. It may have been implied. It certainly wasn't aired leaving her actual lips. I mean Hilary was there, the Fox News Camera was there yet John Gibson (like everyone else at Fox) had to illuminate her comments for us. See? See how he did that? Gotta watch him. He's wiley.

While I always appreciate a person who is interested enough in my enjoyment to make a boring story more colorful through the use of insulting adjectives, must Fox always refer to the Karl Rove Handbook of Political Satan Slime? There's only so much Capitalist Pigs, NAMBLA and white politicians fathering little 1/2 black children to freak America out with.

Some things actually smell like Karl Rove. That's right Karl Rove is no longer a man, he's actually a smell.

Jeesh, bring back the body language lady if you need to tell us what everyone is really saying. Or better yet, would you sometimes just roll the tape? Some of us do actually still understand English?

Another thing that happened today on John Gibson's show. I saved it for last. And this is serious. For the love of God, if you really care about this nation, you must e-mail Fox right away and demand that they never show such things on Prime Time. I've never been so seriously shocked by cable news. First of all, John Gibson began the segment by making erotic noises and complimenting Danny Bonaduce's body, ON THE AIR. And as if we weren't all troubled enough by that, he ended the segment by showing a picture of lumpy muscles on a sweaty, semi-nude male body with this big scary head super-imposed on it. So really, it was like SWEATY, NAKED JOHN GIBSON.

Only I should correct myself. His head only ORDINARILY looks big. For things like this John's friends in graphics usually slenderize it for him. You can always tell because John's hair and forehead look extra long and his head looks skinnier that usual. See how they did that?
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