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The Artful Tango

Ann Coulter's Burning Torch

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The Artful Tango

Ann Coulter's Burning Torch

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original date 7/8/06

I'm referring, of course to the inextinguishable torch of ardor she carries for Bill Clinton. When Hillary made an incidental comment about Ann's insipid book earlier this week, she was ON FIRE with attacks against Hillary's husband, who it must be said, made NO comment at all about her book. Clearly, she was incensed that Bill himself had neglected to comment and as she is known to do quite compulsively, she made the issue about him. Yes, strangely, for Ann, it IS always about Bill. She should just be grateful that everyone, including Hillary, is politely ignoring the fact that parts of her book were discovered to be plagiarized and be amazed that anyone is bothering to comment on it at all.

But back to Ann's burning torch. Is it just me or has anyone else noticed that hellcat fire in her eyes when she speaks his name? CLIN-TON. Every occasion is an occasion for Ann to utter this name. She languishes in it, draws it out and NEVER, ever forgets that spanky hard T. No two syllables in the english language seem to give her more pleasure than those. Sure, sometimes it seems that pure contempt and vitriol are the ingredients that fuel her passion but I'm sensing something far less insidious and perfectly obvious once one gets it out there in the light of day. It's the thing that makes the world go 'round. It's old fashioned love. Just like many delusional boys and girls burdened with unrequited love, she settles for mere words, often having a conflict in her own world of make-believe, trying desperately to pester Bill into acknowledging her existence. Negative attention, to some people, is better than no attention. It's sad to watch at times. "Look at me!! Look at me!! CLIN-TON!!" she seems to be crying out at every media event. Nearly everything is an occasion to talk about the object of her affection. She's often asked questions about the policies of George W. Bush, or the comments of Nancy Pelosi and yet she can't seem to speak for ANY length of time without mentioning the magic word: CLIN-TON. In a pathologically obsessed way, she can relate him to any topic under the sun. She will transform a conversation about Olympia Snowe to one about Bill Clinton, or a conversation about corporate corruption to one about her thoughts on Bill Clinton's sexual perversions.

She highly regards him as an almost super-human power force and feels he is in control of most things in the universe. She often implies that he is to blame for things like the poor economy, childhood obesity, global warming, the popularity of Paris Hilton and the reason our socks stink when we sweat. CLIN-TON has been enjoying civilian life for some time now. Yet, she never fails to mention the sex scandal from over a decade ago. As far as we can tell he doesn't even know Ann is alive, and yet..."Don't ever forget America," her subliminal message seems to go, "CLIN-TON and ANN, ANN and CLIN-TON. HOT HOT SEX!!"

I myself, am notorious in some circles for having an unnatural fondness for Bill Clinton. But still, I strive to stay on topic much of the time. To me it's the difference between admiration and obsession. I must admit it's been a hell of alot easier because my admiration has diminished some in his absence. I'm certain because there are other perfectly engaging politicians to pay attention to. Ones that actually are relevant to current policy, I might add. But still, I can sympathize a little, after all, Bill Clinton doesn't know I'm alive either. It hurts like hell, but I'm someone who rolls with the punches. Ann, on the other hand, just refuses to get over it.
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